The chapter I had read about in they say/I say was chapter nine titled “you mean I can just say it that way?”. the chapter had much to do with the ideas of academic writing and how often times a writer may stick to bigger academic words than their everyday language. They then go into detail about how as writers it hurts what they are trying to say because the reader often times can not understand it and at times even you can not understand what you were saying. Therefore their must inclusion of your own everyday language into the paper to make it more understandable to a bigger audience and to ensure your point you are bringing up is being portrayed correctly. They highlight a point that their should be a perfect balance of “academicspeak and everydayspeak” into our papers as they make it sound more legitimate and make the audience feel as we relate more to it as it is in our own words.

I chose to read this chapter because I am guilty of this many times. Even from past peer reviews and meetings with teachers their are times where the both of us are puzzled by what I was trying to say in that moment. I feel like it was a good chapter to read to know I am not alone in doing this and that more often than not that it occurs. Going forward from this I have reread my essay to make sure their were clear solid points, and if their were points that sounded very “academic” I would adjust my own language without adding slang into the essay itself. I overall think that after reading this it better shaped my paper to be more connected to self and also understandable.

Based from the peer review, my goals to revise are to focus on a few points in my essay. throughout I describe a great deal both sides of people and narratives but are very vague to when it comes to my opinion, so my first goal is to add in my claims my beliefs of narratives playing a role in our lives The second goal I want to fix is the point when I talk about my girlfriend from the narrative project. I mention it but don’t describe it which is confusing if the audience had never heard it so my point would not get across

I plan to re read my claims, looking at where I was two sided and in a sense add my own stand to it, or even conclude my paper with my side so the audience nows where I place myself. For the part about my girlfriend I will either move the video link up to right under that paragraph or describe what was mentioned in the video so the audience has an idea prior to watching.

My biggest challenge will be making sure to stay true to my side, with such a topic like this it is easy to drift between each side, so I have to stay strong and bold to narratives playing a role.

If it is to difficult to solve on my own I could reach out to my peers and see if they have any more suggestion or even Emmy and they could gear me to success.

____’s ideas brought up throughout the paper were very interesting and very good overall. It was really interesting seeing a paper done from the opposing side and in a way helped shaped the rest of group seeing opposing sides for each person. I felt overall the information provided was great, the uses of text and other sources made it very strong. The only point I would say to focus on is their are some points brought up in your essay where you could expand and bring in more of your voice to tie into the text. Your idea brought up about the significance of memmories for each person could be. a great place to expand on! overall this was a great free draft and I really enjoyed your usage of the multimodal with the drawings and the background doodle it visual appealed and helped guide the reader.

two of the screenshots were unable to be attached.

I have been looking forward to incorporating the multimodal into our essays since when we began our first annotation. One thing I have learned from the annotations and a thing I plan to use in my paper is the use of photos, specifically header photos. I feel like I could use a great header image to in a way set the tone of the essay and in a sense tie it into my claims I will be going into. Using a header image will provide the readers a visual aspect of the multimodal giving them a picture to go along with the essay itself. Another item I will be using is the video from the narrative project that will provide a auditory mode and is one of the major ties in this essay. The last one I will incorporate into my essay is the usage of the spatial mode. I feel like this will be the toughest adjustment since it does not follow our typical essay format, but it has a great use to put emphasis on certain points brought up in the essay, and also makes the overall feel of the essay much more nice. With the incorporation of the spatial it in the sense turns this essay format we write in all serious essays and papers, and turns that same information into something much more appealing to the reader. My thoughts at the moment are to possibly use this to almost guide my reader using this mode with emphasis points such as quotes at the side of the text. Overall I am excited to see what this multimodal will turn out to be.

While reading Julie Beck’s article a few points struck me right through the read. One of the first and of the most I felt relatable to was near the beginning of her article in which she states “In telling the story of how you became who you are, and of who you’re on your way to becoming, the story itself becomes a part of who you are”. I felt like this point was so relatable to me as cause when reading it I immediately thought about what she was stating with this point. Though I am not one to share much about past experiences, when I actually share them the story almost takes over me and I in a sense relive those moments brought up in story.

The next point I felt really stuck with me was when she had incorporated Pasupathi’s work that children truly do not understand what makes a good story. He mentions how he has a child who could talk an hour about a video game, where that it is all plot centered rather than a progressive story of characters growing or coming of age. I feel like I truly connected with this, because even looking back from now to say middle school a book or movie I would pick would be drastically different in their plots and motives.

The last point I truly felt stuck to me the most, was again from Pasupathi’s work in which others you tell the story alter our memories and stories. Whether it be to make it more appealing to them or to hide something you don’t want the audience to know I feel like this stuck to me. If I were to tell a story to a friend, the language used, even some of the events would be different then If I were to tell it to a family member.

Annotations:

This was taken from a biology paper I had written, I had underlined the the transitions as well as the many pointing terms in the paper, and boxed and circled any forms of repetition and key terms. It is a shock to revisit a piece written and be able to find all of these words and commonality’s that occur in paper to the point that I felt these transitions were not even used that much. I feel like since it was a biology paper it required a good deal of pointer terms in order to get to the point trying to be proven.

Do you see any patterns?

I do see quite a lot of patterns, the paper itself was describing the effects of osmosis and that word itself is present numerous times throughout just this page alone of the paper. I also see a lot of the use of pointer terms to progress through the paper to push the reader from “point a” to “point b”.

Do you rely on certain devices more than others?

I feel I relied on the pointer terms and the key term repetition just by taking a glance of the highlights. It was a weird trend to see if I were to use a pointer term they would almost always begin with the letter t so it was almost like a search for the letter t to see if their were pointers in this essay. Key terms I feel like were necessary to be able to tell the reader what this piece itself entails and brings back to the point you are trying to prove in a wordy scientific paper.

Are there any passages that are hard to follow?

Overall since it was a scientific piece it was very straight to the point, there was not much jumping around because it had to make sense in order for the paper itself to be successful, if as a scientific paper was not logical the whole process and or experiment could go drastically wrong.

Sometimes Good Narratives Come Later in Life, My girlfriend Bettina and I discuss life tasks as being a young parent.

https://youtu.be/wpIipLzW8tQ

Dear ___,

Overall you have a great paper and are on your way for a great mark on this paper. One of the only things I would maybe look into is the paragraph where you compare Pinker to Ma. I feel on that paragraph you do a great deal arguing between the two, but do not really connect it back to yourself. I felt like your inclusion of the naysayer paragraph really made this paper more well round by providing the opposition’s side. If you felt like you could or needed to, you could incorporate some more connections to yourself, to in a way gear the reader to want to believe and take your claims more just due to the fact that you have experienced it. Overall it was a great read thank you for letting me read it and you are on track for a great paper!